When I meet a new person, I like to get to know them in depth and explore the aspects of their personality that are often hidden. I also like to share all of these parts of myself.
I recommend this list to everyone, whether you are a stranger, a friend, or a longtime lover.
Today, I am in a romantic relationship where most of the revealing questions have been asked and answered. All of Pandora’s boxes, for the most part, have all been opened and accepted. And even if I think I know this person as an individual, I always feel that there is a lot that we do not know about each other.
As we spend more time together and deepen our intimacy, I noticed that a new being had emerged: the relationship itself. It is something that did not even exist before our meeting. It is a force that we do not both know. Our relationship surprises us, comforts us and challenges us. Every day we realize that we have to take the time to know and honor it.
A curious thing happened when I noticed that this triangle was emerging and starting to reveal itself. I realized that no matter what we learned from each other, there were new questions that were less about “you and me” and more about “us”.
What do we like or dislike about us?
So I thought about things I wanted to know, as well as things I was afraid of knowing. So I put together 23 questions intended to create a shared consciousness which, I think, will improve the ability of two lovers to dance together as if they were one.
Some of the questions here will be hot and fuzzy, but some will be brutal and a little cheeky. You may find things that make you uncomfortable and less comfortable with your partner.
Or you may feel great relief knowing more deeply how much you are loved. You will probably feel a mixture of the two.
Some things will be comfortable and others will be uncomfortable.
The thoughts and feelings discovered here are real. You may not like what you hear. But be gentle when you hear honest answers. They are difficult to give. Note that “Name one of my behaviors that irritates you.” Does not mean, ” Name one of my behaviors that you would like to change. It also doesn’t mean “Quote behavior that doesn’t make me lovable.” Your partner loves you despite your imperfections.
Remember that “I don’t like it in our relationship” doesn’t concern you. Watch each response when your partner tells you something about it. Even if it looks like it. It is simply your partner who shares their likes and dislikes, at that time. It is an exploration of him, in the present moment. Don’t feel like you have to change your future behavior when you’re not asked to.
Resist your ego who wants to take all the answers personally. When you hear an answer that makes you feel uncomfortable and you are not sure what to say, try to respond by saying, “Thank you for sharing this piece of you with me. I am grateful to know this information. “
When the answers are difficult and hurtful, you can also tell yourself. “I’m glad to know something that already exists. Nothing changes. I don’t have to change. My partner does not ask me to change. It is up to me to choose how I react. “
Have empathy for your partner and encourage the truth by sharing yours. Nothing is better done by hiding the truth. It is true that many relationships continue because the truths remain hidden. If your relationship cannot resist the revealed information from this list, then it was not meant to last.
Keep in mind that this person has individual tastes and has chosen to love you. If she replies that she really appreciates the time spent away from you and would even like to have more, she still loves you! Be careful not to speculate and to hear things that have not been said.
Be understanding, tolerant and gracious when you give and receive the truth.
Only the most mature, open and honest relationships will benefit from this experience.
What do I say or do that makes you feel loved?